Verity or Apparition?

5 a.m. the other morning I was in the middle of an active REM cycle. My
subconscious was deeply ensconced in a dream about a Christmas 
play I had written. Even though I had written this play (not something I've
done in the lucid world), I only had one speaking line, and it escaped
me! There I stood, bewildered and flustered, behind back stage doors
about to go on with no clue what I was suppose to do or say. Finally a 
cast member handed me a script and all was well, or so I thought. 


This dream took a turn for the worst when I glanced down and spied
a gigantic spider on my left hand. I screamed and tried to brush it off,
but to no avail. The hair-raising arachnid clung to my fingers as though
its life depended on it. 


The next instant I was awake. In the dim light cast by my charging cell
phone, I noticed a familiar eight-legged creature. It scurried across my
left hand, my husband's pillow, and over the edge of the mattress at the
head of the bed. I felt frozen but heard myself saying, "Big spider, big
spider, big spider!" 


Jason sprang to action and used the flashlight app on his cell phone 
to begin the search. After a few breathless seconds there was no sign
of it. I turned on the lamp for better visualization. Jason pulled up the
mattress and looked under the bed. No spider. 


No spider, the words repeated in my foggy brain. Had there been an
actual spider, or was it remnants of my dream... real or imagined?
This dilemma was more disturbing to me. Jason decided to get
ready for work. I had a good hour before my alarm would go off, 
but there was no way I would put my head back where it had been.
Instead I plopped my pillow at the foot of my bed and curled up in 
a fetal position, not even my toes would fall victim to the potential
antagonist. Despite my fear of creepy-crawly creatures, I quickly fell 
back asleep.


Now, two days later, I'm still bothered by the question. Was the spider 
real or imagined? Last night I slept with my head a couple of feet away
from the head of the bed. I'd be inclined to believe it had been imagined
except that the spider I saw looked entirely different than the one in my 
dream. I think that night I prayed that the Lord would strike the thing dead
in its tracks. Whether or not He would do that, I'm not sure, but it doesn't 
hurt to ask. 


Some may chuckle at my reaction to this experience, and that's okay. 
We all have our quirks, weaknesses, or irrational fears. I feel I may 
have more than the average person, but self-awareness is a good 
thing, right? What do you think? Was spider real? Should I sleep
with one eye open? Should I chill and forget about it? 

Invasion of the Wolf Spiders

Here in Missouri, we have an unfortunately high population of undesirable
eight legged creatures, namely spiders. What is one of my all time worst 
fears? Yep, spiders. One in particular that I despise is the wolf spider. It 
is big, hairy, fast, and yes, poisonous. How poisonous? I'm not really sure.
My husband looked them up on the internet and read to "seek medical advice/
help if bitten" by a wolf spider. Why am I writing about this? 


The other day, while my husband was at work, my three year old ran to the 
bathroom to go "potty," and not long after I heard deafening, horrified screams
from the direction of the bathroom. I rushed to see what had happened. Through
streams of tears, my daughter said "Spider, Mommy, spider!" 


I looked in the direction she was pointing and sure enough there was the eight
legged beast, quickly darting from here to there and back again. For a second 
I was frozen, unsure how to proceed, but my daughter's continued screams 
snapped me back to reality, and I raced to obtain a good instrument with which
to crush the intruder. My husbands heavy dress shoe was perfect - no groves in 
the sole where the hairy arachnid might escape it's fate. Upon my return, the 
spider had ducked inside the vent cover, which thankfully was closed. I picked up 
the vent and turned it upside down. As soon as the spider resurfaced, I utilized 
the shoe, making sure there were no signs of life. 


Afterwards, I cleaned up the floor and shoe sole with a disinfectant wipe, 
and then turned to my little cherub, who was still frozen on the toilet. 
"You were brave."


She looked at me with red, puffy eyes. "I was?"


"Yes," I assured her. "You were brave even though you were scared."


A big smile broke through the previously concerned look. "You were 
brave too, Mom." 


Thankfully, I had been, probably the maternal instincts kicking in. Later
that evening, it was a different story. I was working on a project, sitting on 
the couch, when in my peripheral vision, I noticed a dark blur lurking on 
the wall. Yes, it was another spider, identical to the one from earlier in the 
day. Again I went into action, leaving a smear on the wall. Enough of the 
thorax was left for my husband to identify the type of spider. It was then he 
informed me it was a wolf spider. I panicked. There had been two in one 
day and would probably be more. 


Jason noticed my look of horror. "They're not poisonous." 


"Oh yes, they are!" I countered. 


To validate his position, he google the wolf spider, but instead affirmed my 
statement to be true. My mind raced with fearful thoughts of poisonous creepy 
things crawling in my and the children's beds at night. Jason then did an online
search for scripture verses to counter one's fear. It was effective. It can be 
hard to release one's fear to the Lord, having to trust that He will protect you 
from even the tiniest sources of fear and anxiety. However once you do, 
you'll find a place of serenity and rest. 


So whether your concerned about eight legged creepy crawlers, revising 
your work in progress, putting together your book proposal, or all of the above, 
rest in the knowledge that God cares for you and desires victory for you in all 
areas of your life.  I was able to sleep that night, thanks mostly to the following
verse.


"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and 
cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and
of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control."


2 Timothy 1:7, Amplified version