"I Don't Want To"

My two year old's new favorite phrase is, "No, I don't want to." He blurts it
out almost constantly, but especially at mealtimes, nap times, or when I try
to hold his hand crossing parking lots. The latter requires me to pick him 
up while he's kicking, flailing, and screaming until we arrive to safety. I'm
now immune to this embarrassing scene. 


How often do I feel like saying, "I don't want to," or even more appropriately,
"I don't feel like it?" Lately, all I want to do is curl up on the couch and nap. 
True, I have two small children and another one on the way, but stuff still
needs to get done. I still need to keep up with the house, prayer time, and 
my writing. Even as an adult, there are times I wish I could behave like my
son and get away with it. 


Even if just inwardly, we can throw our own little tantrums when something 
doesn't go our way. I'm thankful our Heavenly Father is not only immune 
to them, but covers us with His mercy and grace. This doesn't give us a 
license to behave badly, inwardly or outwardly. However there have been 
times in my life when I, spiritually speaking, was kicking and screaming, 
and God brought me to safety anyway. I'm thankful He's so good to us, 
especially when we don't deserve it. 






  

Strength in Weakness

Silence. A rarity in our home. I'm soaking it in, for it visits briefly. For a 
moment I can hear things I normally wouldn't, the hum of my computer,
a bird singing in the distance (no doubt confused by this wacky Midwest 
weather), the roar of a jet engine thousands of feet above me, the rhythmic
breathing of my dreaming dog, and my own thoughts whirling what seems
at top notch speeds between my uneven ears. 


Taking the time to sit and think is something I don't do often enough. Today
I feel especially pensive. Am I bulldozing through life unaware of my 
surroundings and of my fellow life travelers? Am I being sensitive to those
very closest to me, tender-hearted towards my children and loving husband?
Am I the picture of the mother I envision for my children, the wife my honey
needs? 


We all traverse through times of feeling inadequate or less than ideal. The 
reality is we are inadequate. Harsh? Reality often is. The good news is it's
okay. It's okay to feel like we're not enough or good enough, but with that
self awareness understand we are more than enough when we allow 
Christ to live in and shine through us. By myself I may feel overwhelmed
and like a complete failure as a mother/homemaker, but when I surrender
my will and my plans to the Lord, Jesus Christ, trusting that He knows my
needs even better than I do, suddenly burdens fall from my weary shoulders. 
I find myself peaceful and content. 

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  2 Corinthians 12:9 -10

So what do I take away from this? Know that being human means we will and 
do make mistakes. We struggle. We fail at times. Cut yourself some slack, ask
for forgiveness if needed, give those things to the Lord, and move on towards our
focus, Jesus Christ. True that we are to be immitators of Christ, striving to be
more like Him by walking in love with those around us, but I think too often
we try to do that on our own. What is love again? Love is patient and kind; does 
not envy or boast, doesn't insist on it's own way; it's not irritable or resentful; it
rejoices with the truth, not wrongdoing; it bears all things, hopes all things, 
believes all things, endures all thins. Love never ends. I Corinthians 13:4-8

Looking at that list of what love actually is makes me feel completely lacking,
but then I remember, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Phillipians 4:13  Today, if you feel inadequate, know that we all really are and
trust our Heavenly Father with your weaknesses. This is how we become the
women, wives, and mothers we've been called to be, with His strength, not
ours. 

Finding Excuses for your Resolutions?

After about a one month hiatus from the Internet in general, it's time to get 

back in the swing of things, and what better day than the twelfth day of 2012?

I believe it's the coldest day of the year outside, and although we've only had

a couple inches of snow, it was mad chaos on the roads this morning. It took

Jason 2 & 1/2 hours to get to work this morning. I find myself one of many 

people wondering how such a little snow caused so much trouble for a town

supposedly used to handling winter weather. It's not like Tulsa (a.k.a. T town

where I went to college) where the whole place shuts down for a half inch of 

snow. Although, I think last year most likely cured Tulsanians of any ignorance

of what to do when it snows. I believe they had several feet of snow over the

winter last year. 

What happened in my hometown today must be a result of too many people 

thinking, It's just a dusting. No big deal. Even those responsible for preparing

the streets with salt, I think did so a bit late. So, everyone and their mom went

out this morning, the small amount of snow we had was pack down causing 

all kinds of accidents, and the temperature is crazy cold so that spots are 

refreezing causing, you guessed it, black ice. Enough venting and back to 

things that you all actually care about. 

What did I write about last time? Ah yes, discipline. Ouch! How are the 

resolutions coming along? If you're like me, you're struggling to keep up

with self-inflicted expectations. I have been working hard on getting my

house in some type of order, but I find that after a morning of de-cluttering,

I'm completely spent and have a hard time maintaining productivity. 

Excuses? I have one... in the form of a tiny human being growing by leaps

and bounds inside of me. The nesting instinct has kicked in high gear (even

though I have quite a ways to go), which is the main source of my cleaning

fits. 

Oh, and did I mention Jason had his appendix out emergently last week? 

That was exciting and included an entire night in the ER with surgery at 5 a.m. 

I feel like I'm still catching up from that night devoid of sleep. You'll be happy 

to know that despite the typical case of "man-itis" (wives you know what I'm

talking about), he's recovering quite nicely. Why is it that men act all stoic 

and low maintenance in the hospital, a literal dream for their nurses, but

are the opposite at home? Giving him credit, Jason's case of man-itis wasn't 

severe, but enough for this pregnant mamma. 

Back to the main point of this post. Have I stepped up my Bible reading 

(one of my main goals for 2012)? Well, somewhat, but not as much as I 

should. Mornings are too hectic, afternoons I find myself dozing on the couch, 

and by the time evening comes, I'm completely exhausted. So what's the 

solution? I say to myself, "Stop making excuses and do it!" More importantly, 

I'm praying for the Lord to help me with self-discipline. Thank the Lord He's 

faithful always and especially when we're not. You know what I love about 

the Lord? Even when we get caught up with ourselves, He doesn't condemn 

us. He simply loves, forgives, and patiently waits for us to adjust our focus to 

where it's supposed to be... on Him. 

I pray your focus, as well as mine, will stay exactly where it should, and that 

we don't get too caught up with ourselves or our households to spend precious 

time with our Father and Creator in Heaven.