Be Still

Forced to be still and off my feet often leads to pensiveness. Sitting here at 
my kitchen table, a light drizzle outside is almost completely drowned out by 
three fun loving kiddos stomping and crashing as they "play" upstairs above 
me. What are they doing anyway? There also could be a herd of small baby 
elephants... . 

Here I sit, left with my thoughts, at least until the next dispute is brought to my 
attention. Big questions I struggled with in my early twenties resurface. "What 
is my purpose in life (now... beyond my occupation and most important role as 
a mother)?" Am I accomplishing all I'm meant to do? Is there anything I'm 
missing?

In my twenties I searched for God's will in my life in respect to my occupation, 
the man I would marry, then the right time to begin a family. A decade later, 
family nearly complete, one more to join our family of five in a few months, 
I again find myself searching, wanting God's will for my family, His best for us. I 
remind myself that I'm not only a mother, I'm a child of God, with a purpose that 
extends through my mothering, and along side of my mothering. 

I believe motherhood is the ultimate calling a woman can fulfill, both extremely 
challenging and rewarding. (I am not saying you can't be an excellent mother 
and accomplish great things outside the family!) However, it's all too easy to 
be consumed by it and allow other talents or goals fall by the wayside. This has 
caused me to ponder. Are there other things the Lord has for me now while I'm 
on this wonderful, crazy adventure? Do other things take a back seat until the 
children are older? Maybe to a degree? It comes down to listening to the Holy
Spirit, doing the things God has called you to do and letting other things go.

Being still is a good thing. How busy modern life is! I challenge you to sit and be
still for a while. It's a time to reevaluate priorities, reflect, appreciate how blessed
we are, how much the Lord loves us, and desires us to draw close to Him.

Life is demanding. Balance is essential. The answer is different for each person.  
Thankfully, the Lord is with us, with an open hand, willing to lead us through
the hills, valleys and mountains of life. We only need to to accept His guiding
hand and trust Him. 


"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." Psalm 119:105 ESV

"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted in the earth!" Psalm 46:10 ESV

The Best Laid Plans

The last couple of weeks have been interesting. I've neglected my computer
in attempts to declutter my home and begin preparing for baby number three
to arrive. It might be a bit early yet, but better now than scrambling the week 
before he's due. It's been a challenge considering now I'm a bit anemic 
(taking iron now) and am feeling it. I've been doing a bit everyday, rendering
me completely exhausted by the late afternoon. 


In addition to my new found compulsion to get the house in order, I've also 
been extremely pensive, analyzing my heart and perspectives on life. I like
to plan. I consider multiple possibilities about a certain something, dissect the
pros and cons, decide on the best course of action (according to my brain), 
and make plans accordingly. Good luck changing my mind after I've been 
through this process. However, I've learned a difficult lesson this last month
which has caused me to reassess how I go about making decisions. 


My kids have been attending a wonderful private preschool attached to a 
local church, which also has an excellent elementary and middle school. 
My mom-in-law teaches at another nearby private school which enrolls 
2 year olds through middle school. It's much smaller, newer (only been 
in existence for five years), and Jason (my other half) wanted me to check
it out. Why would I? I thought. The kids' current school is well established,
(my mother went there as a child) nationally recognized blue ribbon, of course
accredited, and had plenty of extracurricular sports. Their school was everything
I wanted. My daughter has sweet little friends there. I saw no need to change.


My husband wouldn't let it go, no matter how many times I expressed my 
opinion. I reluctantly agreed for my daughter to go visit the 4/5 year old 
class at my mom-in-law's school. On the fateful day I showed up about mid 
morning to observe my daughter during the visit. They were cleaning up 
before going outside for recess and then to art class. I had an hour with 
the class teacher and discussed her methods of teaching, curriculum, 
approaches to discipline, and her thoughts on my daughter. She completely
blew me away. I loved everything she said and appreciated her spot on 
assessment of my daughter. We finished with a tour of the facilities, which 
were excellent, especially considering the young age of the school. 


I knew right away, deep down, that this was the perfect setting for my daughter. 
That "knowing" was God. He was gently showing me His plan for my
children. I was teary eyed upon the realization. I had been so sure of the 
right direction for my children. Of course I had prayed that the Lord show me
what to do, but I was positive He agreed with me. I was so sure that I had
already registered my daughter for next year at her current school. With the
registration fee nonrefundable I knew instantly I was out a few hundred 
dollars. It caused a nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach. What's worse,
after finally having a release from Jason to register her for next year at her
current school a couple weeks earlier, on the way to do so, I had a funny 
feeling that maybe I shouldn't, what we Christians call a "check" in our
spirit. A small voice whispering direction. I had dismissed the feeling. I knew
better! Lesson learned the hard way.


Both my children are now enrolled for next year at the new school. Although
it saddens me to not be returning to their current school next year, I'm 
at peace knowing we're following God. Our plans may seem perfectly 
logical and correct, but God always knows better. I trust my family's future
in His hands much better than in my own. God sees everything, past, present,
future. He knows everything and has our best interests at heart. 


As aftermath from this learning experience, I have naturally questioned other
areas of my life, hence the incredibly pensive last couple weeks. Am I truly
seeking God in all I do? Or am I planning my life and casually running my
plans by the Lord for His check mark of approval without really asking what
His plans are? I have begun to ask the Lord for wisdom in all that I do. I want
His best for me and my family.


"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and
not for evil, to give your a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11, English Standard
Version.

Hearing God's Voice: In the Ringer... Again.

Remember times in your life when you had to learn something over 
and over... and over again. I feel like I'm in a repeat wash cycle of 
life. Similar to how a washer with an agitator uses movement  to 
remove the unwanted from clothes, I'm irritated by events in my life 
that are causing an uncomfortable friction in my soul. 


One of the things God is teaching me is to hear His voice verses what 
I want Him to say. Last week I had a small possibility of going to a 
writing conference. I'm writing a children's picture book series that 
incorporates prayer into each story. So when I happened upon Writing 
for the Ages, a conference specifically for Christian children's writers, 
naturally, I was excited. The main feature that drew me to this conference 
was that it focuses on the the craft of writing, not on "how to be published,"
but simply writing itself. 


Don't get me wrong. Learning how to become published is important, 
and one needs to know the business side of writing. However, I feel 
like the stronger one's writing is, the better chance one has at achieving 
published author status. Let's not forget why we're blogging and networking, 
let's not forget out love of crafting a story so that it touches the hearts of 
those who read it.


I so wanted to go to this conference, but limited finances available, I prayed 
if it was God's will that He would make a way. Days passed, and I became 
nervous. I was having difficulty scraping funds together and securing 
childcare. After an emotional conversation with God last friday, I concluded 
it wasn't His timing for me to go this year. After a few tears, I felt peace erase 
my fatigue and regret. God is all powerful, omniscient, and above all good.
He wants what's best for me, and I must rest in that knowledge. Now this
week, I'm once more facing a situation where I must put my wants aside
and truly listen for God's voice to guide me, hence the rewash cycle. 
With His grace, I'll make the right choice. If I'm seeking His will, God 
won't lead me down the wrong path. 


As far as the Writing for the Ages conference, I'll be saving up to go 
next year (they're fairly certain they'll have it again).  I've attached 
a link for anyone who wants to save their pennies for next year
as well. 


http://www.navigators.org/us/ministries/gleneyrie/retreats/cornerstone/writingfortheages

My Life: A Prayer List being Answered, Part 3

I am so thankful that God directs the steps of those who love and serve Him.

There were several different paths I could have traversed as I came into 

adulthood, various carriers I could have chosen. What I would be when

I grew up changed many times as I grew older, but I was sure to always

include in my prayers for God's will to come to pass in my career choice.

When I was eight or nine, I remember wanting to be an archeologist more

than anything. Discovering artifacts from an ancient civilization seemed

so interesting and adventurous. A few years later, I watched Raiders of the 

Lost Ark, and while I loved the movie, I decided I loved life much more than

risking falling prey to a fatal booby trap. Besides, there are finite number of

objects that are waiting to be discovered, not very good job security, I 

rationalized to myself and moved on. 

I turned to dreams of becoming a marine biologist. Again this was fascinating

and adventurous and certainly would be a good choice. For a brief time, my

sisters shared my dream, and we were to be famous marine biologist sisters

working together to... . I'm not sure what. I can't remember why I decided 

against marine biology, but it could have been something to do with

shark week on the discovery channel. 

I briefly considered being a doctor or a teacher, but the thought of misdiagnosing

someone or grading papers the rest of my life squashed those ideas. I even

thought of being a nurse for a while, but when I realized I'd have to give shots, 

causing pain, I changed my mind. I wanted to help people, not hurt them.

And so, when it was time for me to go away to school, I did so with my major

"undecided." Throughout the school year, I spent hours praying for God's 

direction. "I'll do anything," I prayed, "just tell me what you want me to do."

I didn't feel any strong leading one way or another. Then one day one of the

girls in my dorm asked why I wasn't going into nursing. She pointed out that I 

was always taking care of the girls who were sick on my floor. The more

I thought about it, the more it made sense. "But I don't want to give shots,"

I protested. She countered if that was the only thing holding me back, I 

should talk to one of the other nursing majors on my floor. I took her advise

and was assured that giving shots wasn't a big deal (in that you get over it

quickly) and more importantly it was for the patient's own good. 

I spent about a week praying about pursuing nursing, and afterwards, I felt a 

strong sense of peace. That was it. I was going to be a nurse. This was in

the spring semester of my freshman year. I had wasted some time taking

classes I didn't need and had missed some classes vital to the nursing track.

Then another obstacle occurred. My parents were financially unable to send

me back to ORU (Oral Roberts University). I was devastated. I knew this was

where God wanted me to earn my degree. Why was this happening? 

The next year, I attended a local community college and took the necessary

courses to get on track with the nursing program at ORU. After months of 

prayer, I informed my parents that they didn't have to provide a penny, but

God was going to send me back to ORU. Full of faith, I finished my second

year strong and submitted my paperwork and transcripts to ORU. My 

Grandma Rose unexpectedly paid for that year in full. I was thrilled. 

I returned my third year with a new appreciation and determination 

in my schooling. I was able to secure a private loan for my fourth year,

and for my fifth year (thanks to that first year of being "undecided") I 

joined ROTC for a one year scholarship with a 4 year commitment to

the Air Force upon my graduation. Had I known about the ROTC program

earlier I would have been able to skip the unfortunate private loan. 

I graduated in "03 Summa Cum Laude, passed my nursing boards the next 

month, left for San Antonio the month after that for 6 weeks of Field Training

(boot camp), was commissioned as an officer in the U.S. Air Force by the 

end of the summer, and so started my nursing/military career. I served in 

the USAF for four years and learned a ton of valuable lessons, both

professional and personal. Upon completing my obligation, I returned to

civilian life and accepted a job at a local hospital where I eventually 

found myself working on a postpartum ward. Not what I had pictured 

myself doing in nursing school (like cardiac ICU), but I believe God 

has guided me to my current position caring for new moms and babies.

I love it. Giving support to the new mom who isn't sure she has what it

takes to be a mom is so rewarding. 

I am so blessed, loving my job and where God has guided me. I am 

thankful for all the experiences I've had, leading me up to this point,

and forming into the person I am today. Our road in life isn't always 

easy, but when following God, it's always worthwhile. 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own 

understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which 

path to take.  Proverbs 3: 5-6, NLT (New Living Translation)

   

My Life: A Prayer List being Answered, Part 2

I don't know if it is normal for a child to wonder about and pray for
her own children that will come to be some day, but as a small
person, I'd lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and dream of the life ahead
of me, of the lives for which I'd be responsible. When I was growing 
up, I had an ambitious goal of having six children some day. Once I 
was into my twenties, I thought four or five would be a good round 
number. Now, I find myself talking my husband into having just a third 
and not so secretly hoping that the next pregnancy (some day) might 
be twins so that I can sneak in the fourth. 


But as my mother has told me many times, God is the Lord of my family, 
and He knows who my children are supposed to be, when they are to 
come, and the number of them that there is to be. I now rest in that knowledge, 
God is in control. For now, my two munchkins have me pretty busy. Not only 
are they in busy phases of their lives (at 3&1/2 and 20 months), but they are also
very busy children. 


Avalon Rose is my 3 and a half year old girl. One must forget about the "half"
part of her age. She is extremely intelligent (not that I'm biased or anything)
and has been debating with me since she was two. Never one to blindly obey,
she must understand why you want her to do a certain thing and feels the need
to be in agreement with you before she does it. When she does something 
wrong, it's hard for her to admit what she's done was wrong. Instead, she 
spouts out a logical explanation of why she had to do what she had to do and 
why I, the parent, am wrong. Her capability of deduction and reason has been 
astounding since she was a toddler. If all this wasn't enough of a challenge, 
she has started the sassy talkback. I didn't think I'd have to deal with that until 
she was at least eight. I know that these personality traits in her will be a huge 
advantage when she is older. She'll stand up for herself, be a strong woman 
of God, uncompromising in her beliefs and morals. This is what I'm praying for. 

                           
Beyond her strong will, she has a charismatic personality and a creative 
imagination. I wrote in a past post that she is the one who blamed a void
of earwax on a q-tip on a mysterious monster who had "licked it out" of her
ear already. She has "pretend friends" who occasionally grace our house 
as Backyardigan characters. Once she told me at the dinner table that her
pretend friend Pablo needed some food too. I told her that since he was
a pretend friend, he could eat pretend food. This seemed perfectly logical
to her and didn't initiate her effective debating skills. Avalon also has
super human hearing. You can be having a hushed conversation in the 
car while she is otherwise occupied in the back seat, only to have her
ask you later about an aspect of your conversation that had been hushed
for a reason. My husband and I have been burned this way more than
a few times. 


James David is my bulldozer toddler, completely unstoppable. When 
he sets his mind on doing something, watch out, because nothing will 
stand in his way. I remember looking into his eyes when he was six 
months old and just learning to crawl. There was a drive and determ-
ination visibly present in his gaze that startled me. How could such a 
young baby be so intense about accomplishing a goal? Since that day,
I have seen that determination help him do pull-ups and climb 
bookshelves at only eight months, kick a soccer ball within only
two days of learning to walk (the week before his first birthday),
and squirm out of his highchair straps and stand up on the seat 
at about 15 months. He is still in the phase of not knowing fear
or having a sense of danger. To say that he keeps me on my
toes, is an understatement. 

                       
Along with all his advanced gross motor skills, he also has a strong
vivacious personality with a strong will that rivals Avalon's. For months,
we battled for control at dinner time, just for control's sake. Thankfully,
he is finally cooperating more at our evening meal, but it was touch 
and go there for a while. He started having tantrums a few months 
ago as well and over the littlest things, like not being able to play 
with a ball in the play yard when picking his big sister up from 
preschool. So there I'd go holding to my side the child who was 
kicking his legs, whipping his arms around furiously, and shrieking
as though having a knife stuck in him somewhere, through the halls
with other mother's eyeing me as I passed. I hoped they were thinking
I'm so glad that my child isn't doing that today verses What has that 
woman done to her poor child. He still has an occasional tantrum,
but they have lessened in severity, duration, and frequency. Thank
you, God. My prayer for James is that God directs his energy and 
drive into what God has prepared for him. 


Both my children are affectionate, sympathetic, loving, kind hearted,
adventurous, curious, spirited, beautiful and full of endless energy.
I am so blessed to have them in my life and so thankful to God 
for entrusting me with their upbringing and care. God certainly 
answered my prayer in bringing these wondrous children to me, and 
and am certain He will answer my prayers in regards to their futures.


"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for 
welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." 
Jeremiah 29:11, ESV (English Standard Version)


"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old 
he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6, ESV

My Life: A Prayer List being Answered, Part 1

Throughout all my years of growing up, I wondered what my life would 

be like when I finally reached adulthood, marriage, and children. What 

would I look like? Who would I marry? Would our meeting be romantic? 

What kind of occupation would I pursue? How many children would I 

have? So many questions swirled around my curious, imaginative brain. 

I laid awake at night and prayed for my future, for God's will to come to

pass in all the different areas of my life. Now, as I look back, I am so

thankful for those hours I spent praying. I met my husband, Jason,

at a Friday night church service. We were seated next to each other

and a mutual friend introduced us. The first thing I thought was, "He's 

pretty cute, but his wardrobe could use some help." During the service,

our pastor asked us all to hold hands during a prayer. As we clasped

our hands together something felt different, energizing. A thought 

occurred to me, "What if this is the guy I'm going to marry?" 

Now just to clarify, I'm not the kind of girl who thought this of every 

guy she met. This was a feeling, an inkling that I will never forget. We 

started seeing each other the next month, started dating the month after 

that, were engaged four months after that, and married about a year 

after we first met. We've been married over six years now, and of course

we've had our share of ups and downs, but I've never been more sure

that I married the absolute perfect person for me. I love him more that

words can express and am so happy that he is the father of my 

beautiful children. 

                              

If you are wondering if I was able to revamp his closet, I can assure

you he dresses much more age appropriate now than when I met

him. Jason offered for me to get rid of all the clothes I disliked

before we got married, the majority of which you might have found

being sported at the local homestyle cafeteria at five. To give him

credit, his sense of style has dramatically improved in the years

we've been together. I can't imagine how good he'll look by the time

we celebrate our golden anniversary. God certainly answered my

prayers concerning the love of my life. Next time, I write about another

area of my life where God has been faithful. 

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your

heart."  Psalm 37:4, ESV